Disquiet. No one likes it, especially when that full-blown anxiety sets in. I feel it mostly when I haven’t been working toward my dream of becoming a successful author. I have said in previous posts that I love my full-time job. And I do. But being an author is my utmost, #1 career goal. Sometimes I lose sight of it and feel that creepy sense of disquiet sink in. Like something isn’t right. Like I’m settling for a more realistic retirement plan.
Does this mean I am a slave to my dreams? Could I go on vacation without bringing my laptop with me? Oh wow. The thought unsettles me like nothing else. That thing is an appendage, and without it I get kind of…well, bitchy. I don’t have to crack it open, just knowing it’s close by is enough. I love options, and if I get caught in a waiting room somewhere, I have them. Our mothers always told us to wear clean underwear in case we get in an accident. Well, I’d gladly exchange clean underwear for my laptop. Sorry, Mom, but I need something to do in the ER while waiting for those X-rays, like writing down all my experiences to put in a book someday. (And sorry, EMT’s, for the dirty underwear. If it makes you feel better, you may end up in a book, too.)
So when I get that feeling, I know it’s time to step out of reality and buckle down with some good ole fiction. I always feel better after getting back to work, even if it’s on those last, dreaded edits. I guess the moral to this post (if there needs to be one) is to never lose sight of your dreams, and never back down. If you’re committed enough, your brain won’t let you settle.
J.A. Dennam 